Name: Grimmie BugReaper
Title: Official Halloween Guardian (appointed by the Spirit of Halloween)
Profession: Bug Reaper, Candy Hoarder, Defender of Halloween
Weapon: Fly Swatter Scythe (golden. majestic. terrifying.)
So Why Am I Writing This?
I don’t know. Some of you are curious. Nosy little things.
I’m Grimmie. I reap bugs and eat candy. I scream into the void. I am Halloween.
I created Creepin’ It Real because someone had to say what everyone else was thinking: Christmas in October? Stay in your lane, Santa.
Where I Came From
I used to live in the Shadow Realm—a land where every day was Halloween. The trees were alive with colors of a roaring bonfire.
Candy grew in twisted patches thoughout the land.
The moon was always big, bright, and enchanting.
Then Beelzebug happened. (Don’t click that link, unless you’re ready for the truth.)
He didn’t just ruin Halloween—he stole it and turned it into something cheap and hollow.
He stripped away the mystery and replaced real traditions with mass-produced, neon-colored plastic.
Where we once had magic, enchantment, and wonder… we now have blood, gore, and commercialism. Nothing but shock value—and how much he can profit off a plastic skeleton that sings Thriller at strangers walking by. Even the moon feels like it’s for sale.
The audacity.
Halloween, sponsored.
He took sacred tradition and turned it into a marketing stunt.
And for what? Influencer mummies and branded skeletons?
I tried to stop him. I may have taken a swing with my scythe.
(Missed by a mile… but hey, it was a noble effort.) Next thing I know I’m banished into the Hallowed Realm—your realm.
A place where people say, “Halloween is just one day,” like it’s something to be proud of. Like they’re not betraying every cobweb-covered principle we stand for.
My Mission
The Spirit of Halloween chose me—gave me a job to do.
A sacred one, actually:
Reap the wicked buggies.
Toss ’em back into the Shadow Realm where they belong.
Guard the candy.
Keep the magic alive.
Halloween isn’t a holiday. It’s a calling. And I will make the world remember.
Life in the Hallowed Realm
I live with a small human girl I call Sugar Sprite.
She lets me stay rent-free in exchange for good behavior. (I have mostly complied.)
I now have:
- A desk for recording cursed lore
- A bookcase full of scrolls I forged myself
- Spookles, my spider familiar, living on my hood
- Whispering rights to all nearby Purrfees (what you call cats—wrongly)
My Sugar Hoard—my loyal followers—help me spread the Light of autumn and all things spooky.
We decorate early.
We chant “Trick or Treat” at random.
We hoard candy like it’s currency—and dare anyone to say we’ve gone too far.
The Curse of the Opposable Thumbs
Posting is difficult when you have no thumbs and spotty Wi-Fi.
To unleash the cursed content of my mind, I must hypnotize or harass the Opposable-Thumbed Hosts into helping me.
They resist. So I sulk. I scrawl passive-aggressive messages on the bathroom mirrors and bake ten loaves of pumpkin bread out of spite.
Eventually, they cave.
The Candy Doctrine
I eat Halloween candy.
ONLY Halloween candy.
(Did I sneak Christmas fudge? Maybe. Shut up.)
I love:
- My Sugar Sprite (tiny germ factory, precious chaos gremlin)
- Halloween
- Fireflies (because they light up the dark in spite of it)
- Purrfees (feral angels of vengeance)
- The way the air smells in late October
- Candy corn—but only when it’s ripe
- Hot Coffee
I do NOT love:
- Beelzebug
- People who say Halloween is “just for kids”
- Candy Weevils (they ruin everything)
- Valentine’s Day
- Drooligans (demons from the pit of Beelzebug’s lair)
- Peeps. Especially when they’re pretending to be ghosts.
- Did I mention Beelzebug?
My Final Truth Bomb
My goal?
To make every day Halloween.
And I will. Even if I have to:
- Decorate every porch myself
- Hex every seasonal aisle
- Fling 10,000 evil buggies back into the realm they crawled out of—armed only with my scythe and a sachel full of candy corn
Because Halloween isn’t just a day. It’s a way of life.
Now if you’ll excuse me… there’s something scuttling behind the bookshelf.
Time to reap.
— Grimmie BugReaper
Defender of Halloween. Bug Reaper. Sugar Hoard Commander.
Still waiting on that candy.